how much of this is therapeutic? sometimes i wonder if it's narcissistic to put your demons on a soapbox, right now, i'm at a time, where i'm having problems, sometimes i'm circling around happiness and other times i'm not. i wish two drinks were always in me, i'm having a hard time letting go. i don't feel necessarily sad, just burdened. my taste is totally out of control, sometimes i need confidence to walk around on my own way of thinking. happiness can be a weird thing, life suggests you to try your best to keep sadness at a bay. naturally, i wonder if i'll ever find a balance on what life does. i think i have come to regard that it will always be there. things are changing, how i share the hours, how i'm working, how i'm living. i've changed my mode of operations, just to get some air, now i'm surprised by how cold it feels against my face. it feels better when you don't know why. change doesn't ease your pain right away, it's something i never really wanted, but there were problems. change involves a great amount of frustration. you try to find the happiness of your mind and end up lost in the thoughts. life settles all of that, it is very demanding and finishes the collective satisfaction all together, it's always contradicting, the flesh and the mind. the world listens to our thoughts and runs along, in recent times, i find it is not necessarily thrilled to run my way. i find it reasonable to believe that freedom lifts the misunderstanding, it is a way out of the circle.