I'm tired of being in the spirit of the Lord, my God everyday and still having to be emotionally bound by my consumption of weed. There has to be something that connects to me at a deeper level, so that my spirit will have peace - at a higher capacity. When being gaged with the conflicts of my spirit, I love to have a smoke, this is how I got in this situation, weed brings peace to my physical (body) and psychological (mind) sense. But, I am learning that I can't just play with my mind and touch the ineffectual senses of my body and expect to prosper in my spirit. So, now that the days have took my ganja, I get upset in my spirit and I lose peace within myself and with God. My mind gets stressed out, where I can't even sleep at night, drinking just to calm myself down, listening to the same songs over and over and still getting nowhere. I know, y'all ain't never been here. For the weapons of warfare are not carnal, but are born out of the spirit. We are not mighty in flesh, and this year, this addiction has got to get off of me. Because God is doing something crazy in my life..that is getting me out of the box. And when I step out, I need everything in my power to be in check. I will not let my spirit be taken for granted. Thank you Jesus for providing me with strength. I'm about to step into a realm of blessings that even my haters can't stop, and I need to be prepared. I declare this year will be beyond what I can even think, dream, or dare to imagine. How do I know this? Because, God has done it before. As of today, I'm not gonna worry about it, because with all this being said, I'm still here by the grace of God, and 2012 has been testing my manifestation for being blessed. So, I speak unto everything that holds up my character, in the voice of Lil Wayne, stop throwing pebbles at a bulletproof glass. You can't stop me. And, just think if you haven't been under attack, you ain't been fighting for shit. 

Stay blessed, April 

* Don't me get wrong, I still enjoy having weed, but I want to get to the point, where I can I have it and it doesn't have me. I got into it, out of depression, and I'm not depressed anymore. So, I need to strike of sense of balance within it and myself, and sometimes the best way to propagate structure is to tear the whole thing down and start building again on a new and stable foundation. Best xx

 

So I saw these glasses the day after Christmas, loved them, but had no money to buy them. So, after being terribly nice and realizing the value of trusting a higher source, God, the lady there went beyond their polices and procedures to hold them until the new year, when my mother's insurance would be able to cover the costs. So, there's a most charming quality to bringing your likability up to God's standard of being, good things happen! I left empty handed but filled with hope. Fast forward to the new year, yay!! Going to pick up my glasses, right? Uhh..no. Some lady who worked at the store went behind me and bought them, albeit they had been there forever, and had piqued no particular interest to anyone until I desired em. Soooo, Bummer. I had got an eye exam for these bitches. So, sulk-sulk, put your headphones on and tune out your mind, and realize it could be a hell of a lot worse, but by modern measure it registered as wtf, you promised me that they would be here. So, I don't get my way, yet. Patience and also reminding myself of the status that I was still extremely blessed and prosperous in this moment compared to so many others, this problem was not a problem. At my mother's suggestion, when I arrived home, I call all the lenscrafters in Houston, not much luck on finding a discontinued and discounted frame. Until, the 2nd to last store on my list, they had the glasses, but were so far away it was not even worth it. Gas, petrol whatever you call it, is expensive. Still, God is good and they offered to ship them to a store near me for free, I'd get them in 1 day. Long story short, well...not really, but all things work out for good for those who live and believe the greatness of God. Not all things are good, but all things work together to never abandon the purpose placed on your life, whatever that might be. In my opinion, it's incomprehensible for anyone to work out His plan, we only see what's in front of us, what our circumstances present or don't, we don't tend to see a bird's eye view of our problems, we live in our own little world - devoid of any sort of realization that our desires are often not the center of the universe. Perhaps, that's just me, though? I know each and every one of you are currently preoccupied with the mishaps of some poorly developed country. So, yeah, nice try proving me wrong. Today, I sit typing this in my old glasses, but my new ones are safely tucked away - the cold, icy metal frame comforted by a coiffure of rare ostrich feathers in a below than average case on one-one-two Grand Street. I am good, because God and His people are great. Best, April

 

 

What's America? I mean, what does being an American consist of? What's our technique, our characteristics, our modes of living? Is it, arrogance, rudeness, the desire to always be loud?

I think America conjures up so many problems because of its desire to be greatest. And as the lot of you know, many of the greatest things aren't from America, in fact, almost all good coffee is imported. And, we live off coffee! Its melting pot, per se, its differences cause a lot problems to arise. It surely isn't because other countries don't house rude, arrogant people, they carry those characteristics, as well. Probably more so than, America, because of xenophobia. I think it's kind of like having an uncle who's an asshole; to the world, he really sucks at being alive, but to you, you think "Ah...he's just being Jim." The power of his rudeness is diluted because you've gotten to know him, you're familiar with his antics, you deal with them, simply because...you know him. Now, think on a grander scale, a country like, Denmark knows its people, they're relatively aware of everything and everyone around them, or at least their habits. There isn't a branch of nationalities that just moved down the block that they are worried about, because of their cautionary xenophobic laws set in place, fear of an uprise is in someways is non-existent. There's no cultural change, so there's no worry. And, a worry free lifestyle leads you to the potential to hit the curve of "the happiest people in the world".

Now in the natural, think on this stance: You meet a boy/girl, they work at a movie theatre, they're not into weed, they're into cuddling with you at your place, every night. Then, suddenly, they start to work nights at Hooters, right before work they're smoking a joint, barely staying over at your place anymore, calling you less and so forth. Simply put, they're acting different. You start to get weary and start to worry and not because you necessarily have anything against "weed smoking Hooters employed girls"; you worry because it's not what you're accustomed to, it's change. Same as when parents worry when their child matures into a teenager. Suddenly, parents lose a part of their sanity. Whether you want to admit it or not, change is scary, it's a violent overthrowing of one mindset to another; your dreams and desires change. And no one wants to be scared, so by all means, you'll embrace the comfort of security wherever you can find it. There's a reason, suburbs are such a staple in America, they're all the same. For the most part, all the people, cars and houses are the same, no one's doing better than their neighbor, there is no fear of you being outdone. Everyone is on the same playing field, and with that an illusion of safety appears.

But in reality, in life, there's always change, external stability is an ideal. One thing, you can always rely on is little stability regarding your external circumstances. Your rent can raise, your job position can be eradicated, your local grocery store can stop carrying your favorite imported beer. What say do you have, in a world, where everyone is literally screaming to be heard; whether through the media or literally in your face. There's always indifference, and since most people form expectations and ideas of you before even getting to know you, they gain warped perceptions, and worst, they act on them.

So, what's the key to happiness in America? The only way to happiness is stability, if you're constantly worried about everything, bills, your job, your kids, your life, your dreams; how can you be happy with all that anxiety? It's a reason, America is the leading country for mental disorders, stress kills. But, hey, it's not all bad in the U.S of A, with a constant influx of change, ideas rise, ideas falls, and there's always someone willing to argue their legitimacy. There's a steady fear of revolution and revelation. Everyone's afraid of being found out; no one wants their insecurities and faults to surface, they're so afraid to be different. And, fear always causes people to act irrationally, without thought, seemingly rude, arrogant, American...when really they're just scared. So, they pile into the facades, the suburbs, the high luxury SUV's, the ideal of happiness; and it's sad because that's all it really is, is an ideal. The Americana escape from fear: commercialism. America banks on your fear. I believe we all have fear instilled in us, most of it coming from our past experiences, and naturally that affects how we act in the present. Our past shapes our future. So, how are we not defined by our past? Simple: we change; the way we live, our mindsets, our life.

I find, security in Christ, basically trusting and relying on him for everything, realizing I have very little stake in heavy anxieties, when God is the same today as he was yesterday and will be tomorrow. Stability is present, being a child of the most high God, what do I have to worry about? Life is for the living, and hey, April Johnson only lives once and I'm anticipating the very best, because life is good and God is greater.  Fear hinders your belief in good. It's hard to explain that good exists when the news constantly promotes fear, but today is a new day, and you can be the change. I can't argue your beliefs, but following God, for me is a ritual, starting my day out with him is a routine practice. Same as, with daily exercise or your morning coffee; routines establish stability, and God grants me mental stability which is far more powerful than a run on the treadmill or a cup of joe. Now, where is your happiness coming from? The insecure external realm or from within?

love stays the same,
april johnson

I know you all are doing great, quick note from me to you, hopefully it will enlighten your ways. We shouldn't worry about the opinions of others shattering our persona, not everything we do is right, but we are made all righteous in God, he is not pleased with everything we do, but he accepts us as we are. This stands as the perfect apotheosis of love, we are to accept and love people as they are, faults and all. Above all things have an intense and unfailing love towards each other. Remember love always chooses to believe the best of people.
Take care
xoxo