My first short film is finished, and I feel happy that it was done well and with friends. I was a lot more courageous than curious to see it all finished. And, I think that paid off, because it moves you in a nice flow to create things. You forget the niceties of filmmaking and just go. You believe in yourself and that alone adds a natural energy to the process. But, that is I and this is we. And...WE all had great fun making this film, and sharing it with you seems to somehow afford us a more well meaning relationship with the Internet. With this film, I hope you can feel something that gives you a sense of joy about feeling alive and loved. It's not to necessarily say that all of our chapters think to have a happy ending. On the contrary, it seems the stories of sadness and pain are often the ones that joyously awake us. Are we made to desire this awakening? We try not to desire anything so willingly. So, the answer is yes. You know, it seems strange, how things will change. 

AND, to those that made things a little easier in the process -- thanks for your advice, love, and support! 

Thanks be to Jesus for all things and not allowing me to bend or break under the pressure of making this film. There were days where I definitely didn't think that I would be able to make it, but what God started, I could not end.

Mama, I pray for your patience. I love you. Thank you for gracefully handling all the improbable joys of receiving me as a child. You're the only one who realizes and vocalizes that my films shouldn't be anyone's top priority. 

Nili, for those of you who aren't aware, this is Jacob and Jonas' lovely mother. They say when you cast a kid, you cast their parents as well, and that axiom is well proved to be true. So, I could not have asked for anyone better to join this filmmaking family. Nili was lightyears beyond being the most patient and contained of all the parents -- that will always be the thing that I remember and appreciate the most. It's hard to explain how much patience and understanding is valued while you're pouring your heart out and sweating to death trying to get a shot done. Thank you for being able to relate to all of the joys of filmmaking. I think I can only be so hopeful as to gather the whole team direction to echo in this dynamic.

Jonas, you are the best actor's brother/production assistant I've ever worked with. This kid has an unending supply of creative energy, and he's just down right one of the funniest people I know. I love a person who is courageous enough to say what is on their mind, so maybe he hasn't fully learned to carry it out with proper concern just yet (please note: all the times he was quick to let me and everyone else around us know my face was dripping in sweat) but, all together that is what makes him an absolute joy to be around. Everything about him is spontaneous, which I really like. 

Kelly, I don't think there's any person in the world who has surprised me like she has. She just dropped into my professional life, inadvertently, we met at a Target and it is strange to say that she was interested enough to come on board and make a film with us; to this day, I can't believe I asked some girl from Target to be in my film, but when you see somebody with that much potential, you just don't let them go. Somehow, I feel we have developed a trust and respect for each other that is in a class of its own because of the way we didn't know anything about each other going into this film. Ultimately, we're kind of like partners in crime and from that, there isn't much to add, beyond myself looking forward to all the good things she does in life. 

Jacob was our dreamer. With Jacob, anything can be done. He was my partner in making the heart of this movie come through. I saw him in Oh No Ono's music video for Swim and he has always stuck in my head. Out of the brightness of his presence came the theme of the short and its spirit and tempo. He works extremely hard and always comes to the table with depth and creativity. I always felt he loved the film as much as I did, so it was inspiring to have him around. He made me remember making movies is not all about lights or cameras, but about having fun and forgetting the pauses. He was the electricity of the movie.

and special thanks to:

ditte odgaard @ bacon cph, bruce o'neal @ lone star college, kelly's family, john lance @ sonic boom audio, anne anselmo, erlend øye: 1/2 of kings of convenience, taxi taxi, rasmus @ rumraket, and thomas & bertrand @ strictly confidential

Nevertheless to me being long winded; everyone is a utensil by God. I am just hyper sensitive to all the things involved, and never more important is it to address and give thanks to the people who have helped me immerse in the unfolding of things. Filmmaking turns to be such an engaging environment; in a whole, it's basically just you and some others trying to dissolve the boundary between the script and the moment you are trying to capture and create along the way. Thanks for reading. I hope you enjoy the film, we did our best.

April

What's America? I mean, what does being an American consist of? What's our technique, our characteristics, our modes of living? Is it, arrogance, rudeness, the desire to always be loud?

I think America conjures up so many problems because of its desire to be greatest. And as the lot of you know, many of the greatest things aren't from America, in fact, almost all good coffee is imported. And, we live off coffee! Its melting pot, per se, its differences cause a lot problems to arise. It surely isn't because other countries don't house rude, arrogant people, they carry those characteristics, as well. Probably more so than, America, because of xenophobia. I think it's kind of like having an uncle who's an asshole; to the world, he really sucks at being alive, but to you, you think "Ah...he's just being Jim." The power of his rudeness is diluted because you've gotten to know him, you're familiar with his antics, you deal with them, simply because...you know him. Now, think on a grander scale, a country like, Denmark knows its people, they're relatively aware of everything and everyone around them, or at least their habits. There isn't a branch of nationalities that just moved down the block that they are worried about, because of their cautionary xenophobic laws set in place, fear of an uprise is in someways is non-existent. There's no cultural change, so there's no worry. And, a worry free lifestyle leads you to the potential to hit the curve of "the happiest people in the world".

Now in the natural, think on this stance: You meet a boy/girl, they work at a movie theatre, they're not into weed, they're into cuddling with you at your place, every night. Then, suddenly, they start to work nights at Hooters, right before work they're smoking a joint, barely staying over at your place anymore, calling you less and so forth. Simply put, they're acting different. You start to get weary and start to worry and not because you necessarily have anything against "weed smoking Hooters employed girls"; you worry because it's not what you're accustomed to, it's change. Same as when parents worry when their child matures into a teenager. Suddenly, parents lose a part of their sanity. Whether you want to admit it or not, change is scary, it's a violent overthrowing of one mindset to another; your dreams and desires change. And no one wants to be scared, so by all means, you'll embrace the comfort of security wherever you can find it. There's a reason, suburbs are such a staple in America, they're all the same. For the most part, all the people, cars and houses are the same, no one's doing better than their neighbor, there is no fear of you being outdone. Everyone is on the same playing field, and with that an illusion of safety appears.

But in reality, in life, there's always change, external stability is an ideal. One thing, you can always rely on is little stability regarding your external circumstances. Your rent can raise, your job position can be eradicated, your local grocery store can stop carrying your favorite imported beer. What say do you have, in a world, where everyone is literally screaming to be heard; whether through the media or literally in your face. There's always indifference, and since most people form expectations and ideas of you before even getting to know you, they gain warped perceptions, and worst, they act on them.

So, what's the key to happiness in America? The only way to happiness is stability, if you're constantly worried about everything, bills, your job, your kids, your life, your dreams; how can you be happy with all that anxiety? It's a reason, America is the leading country for mental disorders, stress kills. But, hey, it's not all bad in the U.S of A, with a constant influx of change, ideas rise, ideas falls, and there's always someone willing to argue their legitimacy. There's a steady fear of revolution and revelation. Everyone's afraid of being found out; no one wants their insecurities and faults to surface, they're so afraid to be different. And, fear always causes people to act irrationally, without thought, seemingly rude, arrogant, American...when really they're just scared. So, they pile into the facades, the suburbs, the high luxury SUV's, the ideal of happiness; and it's sad because that's all it really is, is an ideal. The Americana escape from fear: commercialism. America banks on your fear. I believe we all have fear instilled in us, most of it coming from our past experiences, and naturally that affects how we act in the present. Our past shapes our future. So, how are we not defined by our past? Simple: we change; the way we live, our mindsets, our life.

I find, security in Christ, basically trusting and relying on him for everything, realizing I have very little stake in heavy anxieties, when God is the same today as he was yesterday and will be tomorrow. Stability is present, being a child of the most high God, what do I have to worry about? Life is for the living, and hey, April Johnson only lives once and I'm anticipating the very best, because life is good and God is greater.  Fear hinders your belief in good. It's hard to explain that good exists when the news constantly promotes fear, but today is a new day, and you can be the change. I can't argue your beliefs, but following God, for me is a ritual, starting my day out with him is a routine practice. Same as, with daily exercise or your morning coffee; routines establish stability, and God grants me mental stability which is far more powerful than a run on the treadmill or a cup of joe. Now, where is your happiness coming from? The insecure external realm or from within?

love stays the same,
april johnson